An Excerpt...Soul Deep.(The dynamics of Sex)
‘Mom, are you saying that sex is bad?’ Rita
asked.
Her mom was silent. She had a far away
look in her eyes, something Rita had never
seen before.
The noise of the crickets filtered into the
room. Night birds shrieked at each other
with playful delight as they scampered in
the remaining portion of forest that
civilization had not encroached on.
‘Ada,’ her mom paused. When she wanted
to tell her something very important, she
called her by her native name.
‘Yes, mom?’
‘You know I love you very much.’
‘Yes I do mom.’
‘Have I ever told you something, anything
which you later found out to be false?’
Rita thought for a few seconds. There had
never been an occasion when her mom
deceived her or told her to tell a lie. A long
time ago, Rita had eaten a portion of her
dad’s dinner before he returned from work.
Rita loved egusi soup, with grilled goat
meat. It was too tempting to resist. When
her dad returned from work and found out
what had happened, he called the four
children together. But before he could say
anything, her mom had fished Rita out.
She was the only one, apart from the last
born who liked grilled goat meat. The last
born was in school, so the culprit must be
Rita. She confessed and was given a short
lesson in honesty and integrity. Several
years later, this lesson remained with her.
‘No, mom, you have never told me a lie.’
‘A man who says he likes you should be
patient to know your soul before he goes
after your body. Your soul is the seat of
your emotions, will, personality, dreams,
hopes, likes and dislikes. Your soul is what
makes you unique, different from every
other woman.’ Her mom paused and drank
some water. ‘A man who likes you has to
walk through the passage of your soul to
get to your body.’
Rita had never heard this before. When she
was younger, her mom had told her certain
things about sex and men. She obviously
didn’t tell her everything. In her 23 year old
mind, Ada wondered, what else had her
mom kept hidden from her?
‘A man who is willing to patiently explore
your soul and get to know the real you will
have to make up his mind if he likes what
he sees.’
‘What do you mean?’ Rita turned off the
television set and moved closer to her on
the sofa.
‘A woman’s beauty attracts a man.
However, a woman is more than her
physical beauty. If a man is sincere about
getting married to a woman, he has to
know her inner person, who she really is
and not just her external beauty. If a man
wants you in his life, he has to make sure
that you have the qualities he is searching
for in a wife. The Bible says that he that
finds a wife, finds a good thing. If the man
is not ready to dig deep into your soul and
unravel who you are, he may be deceived
by your physical beauty.’
Rita had a puzzled expression on her face.
‘But mom, the man who wants to get
married to me should also like my body,
right? He should be sexually attracted to
me, shouldn’t he?’
‘Yes, he should be sexually attracted to
you. However, you are more than a body.
You are a spirit, with a soul and you live in
your physical body. The most important
part of you is your soul. If a man is not
attracted to your soul, but likes only your
body, whatever he feels for you will
eventually fizzle out and die. What keeps a
relationship going is what the man feels
for you because of the beauty he has
discovered in your soul. Your soul is the
reason why a man will stay with you even
when you are old and gray like me.’ She
smiled.
‘Mom, you are beautiful.’ Rita held her
mom’s hands and put her head on her
shoulder. Her mom gently stroked her long
hair.
‘Yes, my daughter, I am beautiful. When I
was your age, I was not the most beautiful
girl in my town. There were more beautiful
girls. Before he met me, your dad dated a
lady whom he met at the University of
Lagos. She was beautiful but she was also
proud and made your dad feel like she was
doing him a favour by dating him. One
day, your dad followed my elder brother
home and saw me. That day, we spoke for
four hours. He came back the next week
and we spoke for a longer time. He didn’t
want to leave but he had work to do at his
office. Six months later, he told me that he
wanted to marry me and he did. Until
today, he has not regretted making that
choice.
‘ My husband saw something in my soul
that captivated his attention. He liked my
dreams, my passions, my beliefs, my faith
in the Lord. He liked that I loved children
and didn’t mind travelling with him around
the world. He liked that I loved the arts,
good music and loved to read good books.
He saw the real me and liked what he saw.
He liked that I was intelligent and
stubborn. Sometimes, my assertiveness
got me into trouble with my dad.’ She
laughed mischievously and continued.
‘Your dad told me that he had never felt
the way he felt when talking with me. He
said I reached within him and touched
something deep within his soul. It was
more than my outer beauty. What he saw
and wanted to live with for the rest of his
life was in my soul. If a man does not
understand what is in your soul, how can
he truly say that he loves you? If he
doesn’t search deep into your person, how
can he truly know who you are? If what is
within your soul does not connect with
and arouse something in his soul, he is
unworthy to touch your body.’
Rita took everything in quietly. ‘So, when
does sex come in to the relationship?’
‘Ada, after a man has explored the
beautiful gardens of your soul, if he likes
what he sees and continues on his journey
of discovery, he arrives at a door, marked
‘sex’. There’s only one key that can open
this door without consequences. That key
is called ‘marriage’. If he doesn’t use the
key of marital commitment to open this
door, he would have gained illegal access
to your sexual treasures. He is a thief and
a robber who has no legal right to enter
into the vaults of sexual pleasure and has
taken what doesn’t belong to him by right.
That is the reason why a lady feels robbed,
feels used and her sense of dignity and
self esteem plummets when she has sex
with a man who did not gain legal access
to her sexual vaults through marriage.’
A car horn broke the serenity of the night.
The gate was hurriedly opened by a
security guard and a car drove into the
compound.
‘Your dad has arrived. We will continue this
conversation later. Go and prepare his
dinner.’
‘But, mom!’Rita refused to get up from the
sofa. She held her mom tighter; her head
still snuggled gently on her mom’s
shoulder. ‘Mom, this was just beginning to
get interesting.’
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