"What should I look for in a Christian boyfriend?"
Question:
"What should I look for in a Christian boyfriend?"
Answer: Anybody can say they love Jesus or
that they’re a Christian. But how do you know, when you’re falling in love with
someone, whether he is the real deal? The Bible doesn’t mention the kind of
dating relationships we see today; in fact, the only romantic relationships
portrayed are either marriage relationships or adulterous relationships. What
this means is that a Christian boyfriend should be, first and foremost, a man
you plan to marry or at least someone who would make a good Christian husband. A Christian woman should be looking
for someone who is serious about God and serious about his relationship with
her. A Christian boyfriend isn’t dating just for fun; he has marriage in mind.
The Bible is full of verses that describe what a Christian man should be like, verses
that are helpful and trustworthy for a woman who is evaluating a potential
husband. The following are some guidelines based on those verses. A Christian
boyfriend should be
Humble and teachable: The Bible tells us that a righteous man, or a wise
man, will take instruction gladly, even when it hurts him (Psalm 141:5; Proverbs 9:9, 12:15). A righteous man evidences a willingness
to be corrected by Scripture and a tendency to love and listen to those who can
teach him from the Scripture.
Honest: Do his actions agree with his words? The Bible says that a
righteous man is characterized by honesty in his personal and business dealings
(Ephesians 4:28). In addition, when he makes a
promise, a Christian man keeps his promise, even when it hurts (Psalm 15:2-5). In short, his character should be
one of integrity.
Selfless: The Bible speaks specifically to husbands when it tells them
to love their wives as they love their own bodies, just like Christ loved the
church and gave Himself up for her (Ephesians 5:25-28). A Christian boyfriend should
begin to exhibit this kind of care and love for his girlfriend long before
marriage. Love is easy in the romantic beginning stages, but a Christian
boyfriend should be the kind of man whose behavior and intentions will be
loving in all kinds of circumstances (1 John 3:18).
Able and willing to provide: The Bible says that a man who doesn’t
provide for his family is worse than an unbeliever (1 Timothy 5:8). Provision doesn’t necessarily
mean “bringing in a lot of money.” The issue is whether he takes responsibility
for the welfare of his wife and children. It is important for women to grasp
the seriousness of this verse. A man who doesn’t want to provide is very hard
for a woman to respect, and if a wife struggles to respect her husband, marital
troubles will go beyond the material. A woman’s respect for her husband and a
man’s love for his wife are interdependent and life-giving to a marriage (Ephesians 5:25-32).
Willing to proactively protect: Both physically and emotionally, women
tend to be weaker and more easily hurt than men. They need to be understood and
protected and cared for in a proactive way. A good Christian boyfriend is a man
who will look out for and care for his girlfriend and carry this passion for
protecting her on into marriage (1 Peter 3:7).
Also, here are some negative things to watch out for: materialism (1 John 2:15-16; 1 Timothy 6:10), lying (Proverbs 12:22;19:22), sexual unfaithfulness (Ecclesiastes 7:26; Proverbs 7) and poor treatment
of family members, especially his mother (Proverbs 15:20; 19:26; 20:20; 23:22). Usually, a man’s treatment of his mother
is a good indication of how he will treat his wife. Also, watch out for
irrationally and controlling or jealous tendencies, as these often lead to
violence (Proverbs 6:34; 27:4).
Finally, a Christian boyfriend is one with whom a woman is evenly matched.
First, in the spiritual sense – a couple’s relationship with God should be the
primary factor in any relationship, and they should be matched in that regard.
Believers are commanded to marry other believers (2 Corinthians 6:14), so there is no reason to be
dating an unbeliever. But a couple should also be evenly matched in the more
practical aspects, having compatible temperaments, similar energy levels, and
shared life-goals and interests. These things add tremendously to happiness in
a relationship.
In addition to all this, if a man has a good sense of humor and a steady,
cheerful disposition, this is wonderfully encouraging for his wife. Nobody can
be “up” all the time, but a man who is characterized by the peace and joy of
the Spirit is a real catch. Life is hard, and marriage is hard, too. There will
be times of sadness, and there will be conflict. Because of this, a cheerful,
encouraging spouse is a real blessing (Proverbs 16:24; 17:22; 15:30).
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